Really?

 

All good gifts come from the Lord,so thank him for his provisions

The christian barber

The Christian Barber

here was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"

Golfing parrot

A golfer took a vacation in Florida. He was a big bettor and always had at least $500 riding on each round. He asked at the pro shop if there was anyone around who liked a little competition, and the pro introduced him to a man named Joe.

"Is Joe a good golfer?" the man asked when Joe left to get his clubs.

"He doesn’t look that good but he always seems to win his matches," the pro replied.

The man met Joe on the first tee, and they agreed to play for $500. On the first tee, Joe hooked his drive into the water, and the vacationer won the hole. 

On the next hole, Joe topped his drive and then shanked his second shot into the trees. The man won that hole, too. 

On the next tee Joe took off his hat and scratched his head. When he did that, a big parrot flew up and lighted in a nearby tree. "Want to double the bet?" Joe asked.

"Sure," the vacationer said, already counting his winnings as he stepped up to the tee. On the top of his back swing, the parrot made a noise like a train whistle, and the vacationer wiffed the ball and lost the hole. 

On the next hole, which required a second shot over a pond, the vacationer selected his iron when the parrot said, "Five iron’s too much." The player changed to a six and hit it into the water. 

While the man was putting on one hole, the parrot said, "It breaks to the left," but the putt broke right. The man missed it to go three down. 

By the 18th hole, the vacationer was ten down to Joe and glaring at the bird.

"What do I need to do to get rid of that lousy parrot?" he said to nobody in particular.

"Just pay me $100 more than Joe does," the bird said.

A wise poodle, a leopard and a monkey

Cuddles

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here'


Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'


Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

'Where's that flipping monkey?
I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!