A special parrot.err...

Well, it's pretty difficult to find excellent jokes these days...tonight I found this one about a special parrot..

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. 

The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. 

The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''

 The assistant says, '' 2000.'' 

The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. 

He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'' ''What about the green one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''He costs 5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'' 

''What about the red one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''That one's 10,000.'' 

The man says, ''What does HE do?'' 

The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''

Golfing parrot

A golfer took a vacation in Florida. He was a big bettor and always had at least $500 riding on each round. He asked at the pro shop if there was anyone around who liked a little competition, and the pro introduced him to a man named Joe.

"Is Joe a good golfer?" the man asked when Joe left to get his clubs.

"He doesn’t look that good but he always seems to win his matches," the pro replied.

The man met Joe on the first tee, and they agreed to play for $500. On the first tee, Joe hooked his drive into the water, and the vacationer won the hole. 

On the next hole, Joe topped his drive and then shanked his second shot into the trees. The man won that hole, too. 

On the next tee Joe took off his hat and scratched his head. When he did that, a big parrot flew up and lighted in a nearby tree. "Want to double the bet?" Joe asked.

"Sure," the vacationer said, already counting his winnings as he stepped up to the tee. On the top of his back swing, the parrot made a noise like a train whistle, and the vacationer wiffed the ball and lost the hole. 

On the next hole, which required a second shot over a pond, the vacationer selected his iron when the parrot said, "Five iron’s too much." The player changed to a six and hit it into the water. 

While the man was putting on one hole, the parrot said, "It breaks to the left," but the putt broke right. The man missed it to go three down. 

By the 18th hole, the vacationer was ten down to Joe and glaring at the bird.

"What do I need to do to get rid of that lousy parrot?" he said to nobody in particular.

"Just pay me $100 more than Joe does," the bird said.

Who could possibly send me this joke?

I found a stray parrot in the garden this morning.

All he says is, "Good morning, you old fart."

Is he yours?

Another parrot joke

A man went into a bar and said to the bartender, "If you give me free drinks all night, I will entertain your customers so much they will stay all night and drink lots and lots."

 "Oh yes," says the bartender. "How are you going to do that?" 

The man gets a hamster out of his pocket and puts it on the piano. The hamster runs up and down the keyboard playing the greatest piano music anyone had ever heard.

"That's incredible!" says the bartender. "Have you got anything else?" 

The man gets a parrot out of his other pocket and puts it on the bar. The hamster begins to play the piano again and the parrot sings along - sounding just like Pavarotti. 

Everyone in the bar is amazed and stayed all night drinking and listening to the hamster and parrot.

 The bartender is delighted. "I must have these animals. Will you sell them to me?" he asks. 

The man shook his head no. "Will you sell just one then?" asks the bartender.

 "OK, I'll sell you the parrot for $100" the man says.

 The bartender is delighted and hands over the money. 

Another man standing next to the man who owned the hamster said, "You're a bit stupid selling that clever parrot for only $100". 

"No I'm not," the man replied. "The hamster is a ventriloquist"!!!

Lack of wisdom...

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

One joke.

Reprinted with special permission of The Flying McCoys © 2007 Glenn and Gary McCoy


Somehow, I know a few parrot jokes but as time passes, you need to find new jokes. I have just found that one and I think that it's a good one. What do you think about it?





Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said,"I had a big house built for Mama."The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600."
The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read it any more because she can't see very well. I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.


After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."


"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."